Saturday, September 08, 2007

HOME AGAIN, HOME AGAIN…there is nothing like home! I can’t believe I’ve been home a week now. I’m almost caught up on my rest. The laundry is caught up. I have almost everything put away from the trip. (Car travel is not efficient when it come to how much you take with you! The cleaning isn’t. I’m mostly out of my daze. I’m so NOT back into my routine.
I will definitely have to boogie from now on because this coming Thursday, we will be leaving for Columbia, SC for a college reunion of mine. I didn’t graduate with this group, but I started with them. Back then, it was called Columbia Bible College but it’s “new” name is Columbia International University. I attended for 1 ½ years before going to nurses’ training in Philadelphia, PA. (I planned to go 2 yrs. but because of some course changes they made, the funky load I was taking and course conflicts that second semester of my last year, I couldn’t take enough courses to make staying there worth the expense. I dropped out, lived with my grandparents and worked. It was good preparation for me for the real world that I would run into in nursing.) But that is another story/rambleJ
This morning, since I had another unwanted early wakeup, I got my homework for Sunday School done. After I write this, I plan to finish my last hour of my last continuing ed course for my TX license. Hopefully, my certificate will arrive in the mail today and I will be able to get my paperwork for the TX license in order by Monday or Tuesday at the latest. I also have homework for a Tuesday evening meeting that will meet in my home (that also means some houseworkJ after that, I’ll get the packing done for us to leave the house about 4 AM on Thursday for a 5:59AM flight out of Bloomington (about an hour away). I expect the week to go by VERY rapidly.
In the middle of all of this activity, there is a LOT of thinking going on which is not being reflected in my blog. By the time I get my thinking on paper, I like it to have some order/sense to it. Right now, it is not making a lot of sense to me or anyone who would even try to read what I would try to write. It is easy to write what is happening. It is very difficult to write what is going on in my head in this year that my mother has died, that I have been mostly alone for three weeks, visited a few old friends who are going through some hard times right now (in different areas), and am pondering/trying to discuss some important decisions to be made.
I am also struggling with spiritual issues that I sometimes feel I’m hitting a wall on. Do you ever feel like you keep failing in the same ways over and over and what’s the use of trying anymore? I feel very useless to God (in many ways that is probably NOT a bad place to be). I even have some days where I feel that I am failing in areas I thought were resolved long ago. That is VERY discouraging! So there you have the tip of the iceberg. I got a glimmer of hope from my prep for Sunday School tomorrow. Maybe there will be more encouragement because right now I could use a little in this realm of life. I’m tired of feeling so down. And on that cheerful note, I’ll close so I don’t drag you down with me.

2 Comments:

At 9:35 AM , Blogger palomnik said...

I think it's great that you are so honest. It's refreshing. I just read a Time article about Mother Theresa and how she spent many,many years, while talking to people about Christ and being his love in the world, feeling herself as though He didn't hear her. It's a fascinating article you might want to check out.

 
At 10:52 AM , Blogger martha said...

i read something about that recently. i have no idea where:) m

 

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