FILLING IN THE BLANKS
As I read the last post, I realize that, as usual, I assume people know me. Of course, they don't. I talk away and leave out important imformation and throw in lots of unimportant details. For example, I didn't mention that we lived in TX for 16 years. I also didn't mention that for us, that is forever!! Until then, we had never lived anywhere as a couple, longer than seven years.

As a young child, our family moved A LOT. I don't know if it was because of that or because of my basic nature, but I just wanted to have roots somewhere. By the time we moved to Ft. Lauderdale, FL the summer after my first grade year, I had had 4 major moves in my 7 years of life and they didn't include the minor moves within the major moves. (One of the moves was to Bolivia and I know we moved to more than one town during the almost 3 yrs. we lived there in the late 1940's.) I was very happy to settle in Ft. Lauderdale. It was our home until my parents became missionaries again when I was in ninth grade. It was still our home in the U.S. though because my grandparents had moved there by then. That's where we (children) went for vacations and holidays from high school and college. That is where I met my husband, married and started my marriage. Even when we were missionaries, we came back there to supporting churches and to see friends and family. That was one of the things that made the move to TX very difficult in 1988. We had no roots anywhere near TX. It felt a lot like we were jumping off the edge of the world...even more than when we went to Jamaica as missionaries.

So you see, I don't just have the average approach to family and location that many have. It often becomes my idol because I want it for my security and when I want it that much, I am putting it ahead of God. In essence, I am saying, "God, I don't really believe you when you say that Your grace is sufficient for each day. I want to be in control of my life situation--where I am, where my children are in relation to me (geographically) and I don't believe that you can fill that empty hole that is there when they are not near. You are not enough to comfort me in that loss." When I have that attitude, my heart's idol factory is at work and I am putting very good things ahead of God and telling Him that He is not enough. At that point, I have to repent of the adultery of my heart that is just like that of the Israelites in the desert or during the time of the prophets.

He has more planned for me than enjoying my family--which is a wonderful thing and which I do when able. He also wants me to reach out in ministry to others, not just from the vantage point of my own comfort but out of the discomfort of my life. Some of my best ministry opportunities come from the times when I don't have everything figured out and put together and I'm ministering out of my sense of need to others who are needy. But more on that another day.